Going Nucular


A debate that has been quietly raging in the Bush administration over whether to accept other countries´ spent nuclear fuel for reprocessing appears to have been resolved in favor of going ahead with the proposal. A senior White House official told the Washington Post late last week that a consensus has been reached to proceed, but the plan won´t be ready for Bush to announce in his State of the Union address tonight. Hmm ...

Does anybody else think they smell a hot potato getting ready to explode in the Oval Office microwave?

Since we´re on the subject of evocative aromas (Oh, and when aren´t you, I hear some of you kvetching. People, this is basically a column about trash; if you hear about some that smells pleasant, by all means let me know) ... Here´s a nice local-boy-makes-good tale about a gent from Pittsburgh who wouldn´t be able to smell a hot potato if you hit him over the head with one.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that Dane Summerville, a diver and mechanic with the Army Corps of Engineers, received a temporary assignment in New Orleans, and his first day there he mentioned to a supervisor that he has no sense of smell: "If you have a stinky job, let me know. I might be your man."

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Did they have a stinky job for him: Overnight, Summerville became manager of the largest operating dump in the world, the Gentilly 95 landfill. And if you think that rings a bell, it may be because you´ve read about the Gentilly here previously. It´s the place where, among many other things, they´re clearing out all the fridges full of rancid food from Hurricane Katrina.

Since we´re on the subject of rancid food in fridges .... Just kidding. Let´s move on to something at least marginally more stomachable.

Hey, look, kids, Al Gore´s back in the news. The former VP and one-time president-elect (for a couple hours, anyway) is making headlines at the Sundance Flimflam-Fest with a film about ... Al Gore. Doing a slide show. On global warming. With charts.

For me, and I can´t put my finger on exactly why, this conjures the poignant image of John Belushi as an old man dancing atop his Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time cohorts´ graves. In black-and-white. In the wintertime. Sigh.

Ah, well. God bless Al. He´s back, and he´s fighting for something he believes in. And as a bonus, the story has some quotes from Larry David, who gets my vote as Funniest Man Alive. We all could use a little enthusiasm-curbing now and then, no?

Lastly, since we were, somewhere back there, talking about climate change and fighting for things you believe in, let´s close today with a story from America´s self-proclaimed Finest "News" Source, the Onion: Nation´s Snowmen March Against Global Warming. This is a sad, sad tale. And be forewarned: It ends tragically. A snow-spokesman´s face slides off in midquote.

 

Pete Fehrenbach is assistant managing editor of Waste News. Past installments of this column are collected in the Inbox archive.

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